I have just finished
The Diary of a Good Neighbor by Jane Somers, which is actually Doris Lessing in disguise. The introduction explained that she wanted to write a book and test to see if new authors can make it easily, and also if anyone would recognize her writing. She said that, overall, many people did not recognize her writing, but the people who did were brought into the "secret."
For the most part, I liked the book, and if the style is anything like Doris Lessing's normal style, then I probably like her. It was tough to read, though, because the character was going through some tough stuff. Janna, who used to be assistant editor of a successful women's magazine, goes through this major maturation process. Prior to the book, she lost her mother and her husband to serious illnesses, and she doesn't really show she cares or engage in taking care of them. Instead, she goes about her business, continues preening herself meticulously, and doesn't make any effort to "go deeper."
Eventually, she meets a woman named Maudie at a drug store, follows her home, and becomes her last friend. Maudie is old and poor and sick, and Janna takes on some terrible things to be a good friend to Maudie, including going grocery shopping for her, getting her lighting repaired, buying her new clothes to replace the old dirty ones, and even washing her off after she has had an accident in her knickers. Maudie has been forgotten about by her family (she seems to be a family joke to them), and she doesn't appear sociable enough to go out on the typical church outings that other older women attend. Janna eventually cuts her work hours to almost nothing, she's so busy tending to Maudie in her last weeks and months, and the book ends very soon after Maudie's death. (I don't consider this a spoiler, since it seems from the beginning that that's how it will end.)
It's a tough book because I, like Janna, have had moments when I have been uncomfortable around the very aged, those that seem frail in their advanced years. My mom's mom was the only "old person" I've been really close to in any sense of the word, and I admit I thought of her as a burden for a long time. We used to grocery shop for her, drive her to doctor's appointments, and pick her up and return her from family outings. She was already frail by the time I was old enough to really notice her, so we were not engaged with each other, but I was too young to read the detective stories she did, play card games, or watch soaps with her. By the time I was, she had just seemed so unexciting to my budding social life that - frankly - I neglected her as much as Janna neglects her dying mother and husband. After grandma died, I tried to do some personal penance by volunteering at the nursing home she was in for a while, but it ultimately reminded me of the terrible time I took for granted when she was alive. I had to quit.
Now that I've read this book, I've been seeing older people on the street differently, much like Janna's transformation. I try to look them in the eye more, extend common courtesies more, and attempt to say more than "Hi" on the street. They're baby steps, I know, but I'm both nervous and impatient to do more. I would love to volunteer at a local nursing home, but I'm aware of how much is on my plate already and it's not just a convenient excuse.
My other concern is my daughter. When we went home recently, my daughter really recoiled at the presence of her grandparents and great-grandparents. She warmed up to those bearing gifts or of more mobility and energy quicker, which is to be expected. I'm so worried that she'll start taking her elders for granted, much like I did, and I want her to see the value of their lives, their experience, their energy and wisdom. How do you do that with a pre-schooler?
